Radio Static by Greg Raven

Ads

Again, these are mostly from memory, so they may not match the originals. Appropriately enough, I can’t remember any of the Valium Cigarette ads, but I didn’t write any of them. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking with it.

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Doctor Savage’s

Hungry? Check out Doctor Savage’s Spiders and Broken Glass Airburgertorium. Order the mantis embryo salad, the methane steak, or even the kryptonite soup, and it will be served to you on slabs of molten steel by giant throbbing latex insects. That’s Doctor Savage’s Spiders and Broken Glass Airburgertorium.

Beach Volleyball

Come down to the beach this weekend for the 28th Annual Malibu, California, Texas Chainsaw Massacre Style Tag Team Full Contact Nude Beach Volleyball Grudge Match. This event is brought to you by Pretend It’s Candy Entertainment.

Ad ideas and notes

Godfather Insurance

“We never pay.”

Happy Jack’s “Sweet Tooth” Pest Poison

Lights Out Shampoo

It’ll knock your lights out.

The Frazer Smith Look Young Forever Diet

It’s 100 percent sugar, so you always look like a teenager.

Frazer Smith’s Bum Wrap products

Look for them in your supermarket.

Sam & Ella’s Dine-out Cathouse

Los Angeles’ finest drive-through whorehouse. All you can eat, only fifty cents.

Weedeater Dairy Products

If it eats weeds, we can milk it. Cheese? You bet. And yoghurt you won’t believe until it comes up and shakes your hand.

Time Out beer