Frazer Smith’s Power News — August 4, 1978
ROUGH IDEAS
O. J. SIMPSON IS ALL BROKEN UP FROM CRITICAL REVIEWS OF CAPRICORN I, AND IS TRYING TO CHEER UP BY DATING EVERY SINGLE GIRL BETWEEN THE AGES OF SIX AND SIXTY IN THE NEWPORT BEACH AREA.
PETER FRAMPTON STILL IN THE HOSPITAL AND GETTING WORSE AFTER DRIVING HIS CAR INTO THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE. HAS SENT LINDSAY WAGNER, THE BIONIC WOMAN, TO THE AREA TO TRY TO BUY THE TRIANGLE AS A MEMENTO.
MICK JAGGER CHECKS INTO A CHICAGO HOTEL UNDER THE NAME OF SAM SPADE, AND LATER FORGETS WHICH NAME HE IS REGISTERED UNDER.
GARY BUSEY, STAR OF THE BUDDY HOLLY STORY, AND NOW, THE NEW MOVIE, ELVIS, IS REPORTEDLY SO SENSATIONAL THAT HE HAS BEEN ASKED TO PLAY THE PART OF MAMA CASS IN AN UPCOMING MOVIE.
DYAN CANNON IS OUT AND ABOUT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN QUITE A WHILE, AND HAS TURNED THE TOWN UPSIDE DOWN. SHE ISN’T HAPPY, HOWEVER, AS SHE SAYS THAT THE ONLY REASON THAT SHE HAS COME OUT OF SECLUSION AND MADE SUCH A SPLASH IS IN THE HOPES THAT SHE WILL CATCH THE EYE OF FRAZER SMITH, AND GET INVITED TO A PARTY AT HIS HOUSE.
THE TRADITIONAL RIVALRY BETWEEN THE GIANTS AND THE DODGERS IS BLOSSOMING, BUT NOBODY SEEMS TO BE INCLINED TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. IN THEIR LAST GAME, GIANTS PITCHER JOHN “THE COUNT” MONTEFUSCO PITCHED A LIVE GRENADE TO DODGER REGGIE JACKSON. NOW, WITH LAND MINDS UNDER THE BASES ANDSNIPERS IN THE DUGOUT, IT LOOKS LIKE THE BATTLE IS ESCALATING.
JOCKEY BILL SHOEMAKER, WHO HAS WON MORE RACES THAN ANY OTHER JOCKEY IN HISTORY, WAS SUSPENDED TUESDAY BY OFFICIALS AT THE DEL MAR RACEWAY FOR CARELESS RIDING AFTER THE SHOE MOUNTED UP AND RAN THE RACE BACKWARDS. HE WON ANYWAY, BY A LENGTH AND A HALF, IN THE $27,000 GRADUATION STAKES.
GEOLOGISTS SAY THAT MT. SHASTA IS DUE TO ERUPT, UNLESS AUTHORITIES CAN LOCATED AND STOP RADIO PRODUCER AL RAMIREZ FROM CONDUCTING PAGAN SACRIFICES THERE.
IN SAN DIEGO, THE NAVY ADMITTED THIS WEEK THAT IT IS HAVING TROUBLE WITH SAILORS TAKING DRUGS. THERE IS, HOWEVER, SOMETHING BEING DONE ABOUT IT. THE NAVY HAS STARTED A PROGRAM THAT IS MEANT TO REHABILITATE THE JUNKIES AND TRAIN THEM TO BE DISC JOCKEYS.
MONDAY NIGHT, IT WAS FRANK SINATRA AND SARAH VAUGHAN AT THE AMPHITHEATER, AND, WHILE MANY EXPECTED IT TO BE AN UNFORGETTABLE NIGHT, NONE KNEW JUST HOW UNFORGETTABLE IT WOULD TURN OUT TO BE. FRANK AND SARAH ARE UPSTAGED BY THE KILLER SHREWS.
RICHARD PRIOR, WHO LAST WEEK SNAPPED AUDIENCES TO LIFE WITH THE ADMISSION THAT JOHNNY CARSON KNEW WHAT COCAINE WAS, IS PLAYING THE COMEDY STORE ON SUNSET THIS WEEKEND, AND APPEARING WITH PRIOR WILL BE A NEW LINCLON CONTINENTAL, A VW BUS, A BMW, AND SEVERAL CADILLACS. GET ON DOWN THERE AND SEE RICHARD SHOOT HIS MOUTH OFF, OR SOMETHING.
FRAZER SMITH ACCIDENTALLY PUNCHES OUT SEVERAL BOUNCERS AT AN EXCLUSIVE CLUB, AFTER HE CRASHES THE DOOR. WHEN ASKED WHY HE TRIED TO CRASH THE PLACE IN THE FIRST PLACE, SMITH REPLIED, “I HEARD THAT THEY HAD SOME BIG BOUNCERS IN THERE. I DIDN’T REALIZE THAT THEY MEANT MEN BOUNCERS. I THOUGHT THAT THEY MEANT TITS.”
DOW JONES AVERAGE TAKES OFF, LEAVES TOWN.
PRESIDENT CARTER’S SON CHIP CARTER HITS HAMILTON JORDAN IN THE FACE WITH A PIE AT A PARTY IN GEORGETOWN. JORDAN WAS MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS WHEN CARTER SNUCK UP BEHIND HIM AND LET HIM HAVE IT WITH A LARGE PIE. JORDAN WAS APPARENTLY SO SURPRIZED THAT HE REMAINED LYING ON THE FLOOR, FACE DOWN IN THE PIE FOR HOURS. THE PIE WAS MADE OF COCAINE. SAYS JORDAN, “IT’S LUCKY THAT I DIDN’T GET ANY ON MY SUIT.”
AN INDEPENDENT PANEL OF SCIENTISTS WARNED THIS WEEK THAT THE CALIFORNIA CONDOR WAS HEADED FOR EXTINCTION, AND THAT THERE WERE ONLY THIRTY OR FORTY LEFT IN THE WORLD. THE AUDUBON SOCIETY, HOWEVER, RESPONDED WITH THE CLAIM THAT THEY AND THE GOVERNMENT ARE DOING EVERYTHING NECESSARY TO ENSURE THE FUTURE OF THE CONDORS, BY ISSUING EACH OF THE BIG BIRDS A FRAZER SMITH T-SHIRT, WITH THE MUST-GET-LAID-GUARANTEE.
IN AN UNPRECIDENTED MOVE, THE SOVIET KGB HAS OFFERED TO TRADE SEVEN OF THEIR BEST SECRET AGENTS FOR DISC JOCKEY FRAZER SMITH. A CIA OFFICIAL, WHO ASKED NOT TO BE IDENTIFIED, SAID, “TECHNICALLY, SMITH IS A FREE AGENT, AND CAN DO WHAT HE WANTS. WE ARE GOING TO ASK HIM NOT TO GO, HOWEVER, BECAUSE HE KNOWS TOO MUCH.”
IN ASIA, CAMBODIA IS STEPPING UP THE COLD WAR ON VIETNAM BY CHARGING THAT CMMUNISTS THETE ARE CORRUPT AND DRUG USERS. THEY HAVE HIRED TOM CAMPBELL TO AID IN THEIR WAR OF WORDS.
ARCHEOLOGICAL TEAM UNCOVERS ANCIENT CLAY TABLET IN ISREAL. BELIEVED TO BE AT LEAST 3300 YEARS OLD, IT IS HOPED THAT THE TABLET WILL HELP SCIENTISTS AND SCHOLARS UNLOCK SOME OF THE MYSTERIES SURROUNDING EVENTS IN CANAAN AT THE TIME IT WAS MADE. SO FAR, THEY ARE PUZZLED ABOUT THE PRINTING ON THE FACE OF THE TABLET, WHICH SAYS “ROHR 714.”